Common Characteristics of Conservatives

-CTF Editorial: March 14, 2003

In an effort to understand the mindset of those currently running the country into the ditch, I thought it might be helpful to determine what exactly constitutes the Conservative mindset, so that it might more easily be crushed. So here is s brief list of their common characteristics:

Perpetual Victimization --- Even with mindboggling power at their disposal, it's never enough. They are ALWAYS "under attack", always the victim.

Fear of Intellectualism --- Because their beliefs are just that, BELIEFS, not conclusions based in reason, they have a knee-jerk aversion to anyone who displays a sense of intellectual rigor. They seem therefore to prize aggressive ignorance.

Psychological Projection --- Beyond mere hypocrisy, all their sins are somehow YOUR sins that they are afraid to face in themselves. As such, they project their bad tendencies onto others irrespective of any sort of proof, and then seek to stamp you out, because you represent the things they hate about THEMSELVES.

Raw, Baseless Arrogance --- Despite being victims, and hating the life of the mind, they regard themselves as superior. They see themselves as the smartest person in the room, even though they don't have two synapses to rub together to get a spark.

Blind Primitive Religious Adherence --- The more simple-minded, the better. The word and only the word. No nuance, no REAL faith (which can only come on the other side of questioning and self-doubt).

Authoritarianism --- These are followers, not leaders. Even they're "leaders" aren't leaders. They follow the whim of the herd, and the herd follows them blindly. May a cliff be in their near future.

Sexual Self-Hate --- this manifests itself in hatred of all sexual variances from perceived norms, as well as irrational fears and disassociation with their own bodies. It is a dirty, shameful thing to them. A "mortal coil" to be shuffled off more than lived in with any sort of joy or pleasure.

Cult of Violence --- All violence is trumpeted as proof of strength, when in fact, it's proof of a failure of imagination.

Additional Characteristics

Negative & Defensive Reactions to Truth
Negative & Defensive Reactions to Justice
Attachment to Individuals in a Vegetative State
Inability to Assume Responsibility
Irrational Fear of Homosexuality
Delusional Sense of Superiority
Euphoric Insecurity
Fear of Taxes
Fixation on Firearms
Fixation on the Fetus
Inability to Admit Error
Revenge Fever
Belligerent Nationalism
Contempt for Humanity
Parasitic Usury
Sociopathic Mendacity
Blind Faith in Corporatism
Acceptance of, and Desire for a New Slave State
Contempt for Science
Contempt for Logic